The Philosopher's Song

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach 'ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself,
Was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shanty was particularly ill.
Plato they say could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
And Hobbes was fond of his dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart.
“I drink, therefore I am.’

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.


Maybe that’s why they’re difficult to read when sober, and make so much more sense when drunk.