Warning: Warnings

Drinks companies in the U.K. have been warned about warnings they may be forced to put on alcohol labels. The reason for the warning is that the warnings were supposed to be in place two years ago, pursuant to a protocol agreed to three years ago. Consumers are supposed to be advised on the number of alcohol units in bottles or cans and the recommended maximum daily intake, as well as not to drink if pregnant or trying to conceive. Additionally, each drinker is to be told to know his or her limits, drink responsibly, or enjoy responsibly.

One problem with the protocol is that it is voluntary, and has been voluntarily ignored by industry. A second problem is that it is anemic, and the warnings don’t work. The warnings should, in fact, come with a warning.

A recent Australian study found that young drinkers use alcohol-content labels to maximize the amount of alcohol they can get for the lowest price. As is the case in the U.K. (admittedly still a hypothetical case), the Australian regulations are designed to encourage responsible drinking, and in a sense they do, in that they facilitate economically responsible benders. The study, which identified a high awareness of standard drink labeling, also found that the labeling was consulted to help choose drinks that would get people drunk in the shortest possible time. One wit on a U.S. website (“the Happy Hour Hero”) reporting on the study began, “Sadly, the U.S. doesn’t require alcohol content labels on beer, only spirits, so to get drunk quickly and cheaply off suds one has to do research before hitting the convenience store.”

No doubt there are pregnant women, or women who are trying to conceive, or who are not trying to conceive but getting into positions where conception is a distinct possibility, who do not know that alcohol can cause birth defects or for whom a timely reminder comes in handy. No doubt, also, there are drivers or operators of heavy machinery forgetful of the impairment caused by alcohol. So, by all means use the most convenient and effective means to send these reminders, although, in the case of drunk drivers (never having met one who didn’t know about the impairment-alcohol relationship), advising that drunk driving will treated like murder waiting to happen might send a crisper message.

As for the rest of it, one is reminded of Garnet Bowen in I Like It Here:

“[Bowen] had added to Barbara [his wife] that beer was cheaper while sharing with gin and Burgundy the property of making him drunk. This last factor had received insufficient acclaim. He thought to himself now that if he ever went into the brewing business his posters would have written across the top ‘Bowen’s Beer,’ and then underneath that in the middle a picture of [his mother-in-law] drinking a lot of it and falling about, and then across the bottom in bold or salient lettering the words ‘Makes You Drunk.’

Not just for me, then, or the youth of Australia, is that the point.